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Author Archive

Sunday, April 22nd, 2007 - By William Leon "The King" Mackenzie

Media Black Out Lifted!

Dear friends of Snake River. You may be pleased to find out that the media black out has been lifted. During the LAHTO playoffs the community thought it might be better if I kept my mouth shut. Lot of good that did us didn’t it!

Well now that it is over here is a rant I had leading up to the playoffs.

Rosaries and Long-john’s

I believe we all have something. Ma Kettle prefers the rosary and Pa has his favourite Care Bear long johns. Milton has a medicine bag and Boo Riddley, our “fixer’, makes his own luck with a pair of brass knuckles.

So a couple of questions for you dear reader. Does hockey attract or originate superstition? Here in the River that debate was over a long time ago. Hockey is a religion and with it comes all the trappings of rites and rituals, barbecues and bingo. These acts must be respected lest we anger the gods more than they already are.

But now that we have opened the door to our community and had a look at the outside, we have invited in a new angle to the debate. Practicality.

You see some time last year, the Skirrs’ CEO. Kent Jack Cooke Kent Jack purchased one of those fancy pants Euro soccer shirts. We think it makes him feel like he is more involved in the game. Anywho, at one point Mrs. Jack asked if he was ever going to wash said jersey?

Well she may as well just thrown a rock at the biggest bee’s nest in town. Opinions have been flying around the village leaving a trail of stinging remarks, and causing near death like reactions.

“Even Jesus needed a bath” is the main argument out of the YES camp. The NO side counters with, “That didn’t go so well for him did it now. And consider further, the fact that John his Bather had all his hats made null and void.”

Looking at our winning percentage, I don’t know how much luck is really contained in that polyester blend anyway, so I will ask you brothers and sisters.

To wash or not to wash, that is the question. Whether ‘tis nobler in the noggin to suffer the stinks and sorrows of olfactory sensation, or by a launder, to end them?

Do you guys and gals have any of the same rituals we perform here? Tapping the goalie’s pads? Cookies for Santa Clause? Sacrificing a chicken?

You see our farm team The Wild is due for a playoff round with “The Machine” and we need all the luck we can gather.

Merry Christmas

Bill Mackenzie

Ps. Now that I am free to express, watch out. It’s like I’ve been constipated for a month. So if bilious outputs tend to turn your stomach, I would then advise you to stay clear of the outhouse.

Garantie des droits et libertes

Thursday, March 8th, 2007 - By William Leon "The King" Mackenzie

Attendu que le Canada est fonde sur des principes qui reconnaissent la suprimatie de Dieu et la primaute du droit.

Libertes fondamentales; Liberte de conscience er de relifion. Libere de pensee de croyance d opinion et d�espression.

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I Don’t Like Polka Music.

Saturday, February 24th, 2007 - By William Leon "The King" Mackenzie

You see, for about three years now the SRS Ukrainian Ladies Booster Club has been putting on a dance every second week. Oh sure we head off to Pixely, Hooterville, and Soho for their major social gatherings, but in essence this is the only dance in town.

At first old Bill thoroughly enjoyed being spun around the dance floor by some lady that has wrists the size of my thighs. But now the sheen has worn off. If you threw The Beer Barrel Polka into the mix from time to time I wouldn�t throw up, but wall to wall accordion and tuba is another story.

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Farm team flys, A-team fails.

Tuesday, February 13th, 2007 - By William Leon "The King" Mackenzie

So old Bill is a blogger. My mother would be so proud. I can hear her now. “What the hell is that?” she would say. Well mother, at first I really didn’t know. Accordingly, I went to Snake River’s most famous scientist, Willy Bates Macron. At first he was speechifying regarding the how of the thing. More three-letter acronyms than potatoes at Pervis Spikes still. Eventually he realized who he was talking to, and went on to say, “Just act as if you were submitting an article for the world’s largest newspaper. A rag so colossal in its magnitude, that if each page were ever stacked end to end, the damn thing would go to the moon and beyond. Your discourse, although just one in ten billion, could be read by practically anyone and everyone.”

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In The Beginning (Notes of a Champ)

Wednesday, February 7th, 2007 - By William Leon "The King" Mackenzie

It all started on April 20th 1972. I was Born. Started playing Table Hockey & Ice Hockey at the age of 3. Like my brother Gino, I wanted to follow in his foot steps and play the goalie position. I was blessed to have such a great brother and friend, and he is the one who showed me the ropes as they say.

We picked at the time the 21 teams, actually picked 10 each so 20! Had complete seasons and beleive it or not, we found the scores of those games this summer while cleaning the attick. He use to beat me 9 times out of 10. He was 8 and I was 3. For this reason everytime I would win we would put a “C” beside the games score, because it happened so little.

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