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Archive for April, 2007

Sunday, April 22nd, 2007 - By William Leon "The King" Mackenzie

Media Black Out Lifted!

Dear friends of Snake River. You may be pleased to find out that the media black out has been lifted. During the LAHTO playoffs the community thought it might be better if I kept my mouth shut. Lot of good that did us didn’t it!

Well now that it is over here is a rant I had leading up to the playoffs.

Rosaries and Long-john’s

I believe we all have something. Ma Kettle prefers the rosary and Pa has his favourite Care Bear long johns. Milton has a medicine bag and Boo Riddley, our “fixer’, makes his own luck with a pair of brass knuckles.

So a couple of questions for you dear reader. Does hockey attract or originate superstition? Here in the River that debate was over a long time ago. Hockey is a religion and with it comes all the trappings of rites and rituals, barbecues and bingo. These acts must be respected lest we anger the gods more than they already are.

But now that we have opened the door to our community and had a look at the outside, we have invited in a new angle to the debate. Practicality.

You see some time last year, the Skirrs’ CEO. Kent Jack Cooke Kent Jack purchased one of those fancy pants Euro soccer shirts. We think it makes him feel like he is more involved in the game. Anywho, at one point Mrs. Jack asked if he was ever going to wash said jersey?

Well she may as well just thrown a rock at the biggest bee’s nest in town. Opinions have been flying around the village leaving a trail of stinging remarks, and causing near death like reactions.

“Even Jesus needed a bath” is the main argument out of the YES camp. The NO side counters with, “That didn’t go so well for him did it now. And consider further, the fact that John his Bather had all his hats made null and void.”

Looking at our winning percentage, I don’t know how much luck is really contained in that polyester blend anyway, so I will ask you brothers and sisters.

To wash or not to wash, that is the question. Whether ‘tis nobler in the noggin to suffer the stinks and sorrows of olfactory sensation, or by a launder, to end them?

Do you guys and gals have any of the same rituals we perform here? Tapping the goalie’s pads? Cookies for Santa Clause? Sacrificing a chicken?

You see our farm team The Wild is due for a playoff round with “The Machine” and we need all the luck we can gather.

Merry Christmas

Bill Mackenzie

Ps. Now that I am free to express, watch out. It’s like I’ve been constipated for a month. So if bilious outputs tend to turn your stomach, I would then advise you to stay clear of the outhouse.

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