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I Don’t Like Polka Music.

February 24th, 2007 - By William Leon "The King" Mackenzie

You see, for about three years now the SRS Ukrainian Ladies Booster Club has been putting on a dance every second week. Oh sure we head off to Pixely, Hooterville, and Soho for their major social gatherings, but in essence this is the only dance in town.

At first old Bill thoroughly enjoyed being spun around the dance floor by some lady that has wrists the size of my thighs. But now the sheen has worn off. If you threw The Beer Barrel Polka into the mix from time to time I wouldn�t throw up, but wall to wall accordion and tuba is another story.

Click To Enlarge Bill likes to rumba. I feel more comfortable in a rumba. More comfort makes for a better dancer, and I have the perfect dance partner in Catalina Flambe Maloney.

At the beginning of the season I made a request to allow rumba music at the dance. The organizers said “No Way”. Now I don�t know if a lot of the fuss was due to a language barrier, but what a fuss there was.

They said I just want to rumba because that is a better dance for me. True I says to them, true. They says to me they says. “You see, you only think of yourself. You know that if you are a better dancer you will have more luck with the ladies. (Actually the kid used the word score, and I wasn�t quite sure if that was a rude idea or not) And what about our young men who only know how to polka, what luck would they have with the ladies if we play a rumba.”

Anyways a lot of spit and fury over the issue, so for old Bill, it�s really not worth it. We have to keep our eye on the big picture. And I do acknowledge that these ladies are in fact doing a fine service for the greater good.

So old Bill has been dragging his ass out to Polka night feeling more obligated than inspired. For a while, I thought that at least I could practice my defence on the dance floor. If you have ever been to a dance in Snake River or Hooterville you will know what I mean. But once the will goes, it�s all downhill from there. I know I never make a great appearance at anytime, but over the last few months I�ve looked like a goddamned fool. There is an out of work village idiot that has show more style and grace than I. And god knows how long this may have lasted.

Well kids, hopefully this blog will mark the end of an era.

Our farm team the Wild has inspired us. Their performance at the most recent Decrozant Cup brought tears to my eyes. They tried their best and I know they had fun in the effort. So, if those retards and washed up has beens, can buckle down they way they did, then it�s high time for Bill to make an effort.

I promise to practice the polka at home and I swear when next I get to the dance there will be no more goofing around. The ladies may not notice the difference, and for sure I still will look like a fool from time to time, but I swear I will no longer embrace the role.

So my advice for you out there is to do the same. Remember that a dance is supposed to be fun. You may be an expert in the Stiga two step, but if the only dance in town is a Coleco Clog, go out anyway. You may not do your best, but if you step back and relax, you may just have a good time despite yourself.

Now just to be clear, I still prefer the rumba. But if the Polka is the only game in town, I say it�s time to roll out the barrel, let�s have a barrel of fun.

Merry Christmas

Bill Leon “The King” Mackenzie

2 Responses to “I Don’t Like Polka Music.”

  1. s klump Says:

    Does this mean you’ll come out for practice soon? I can show you a few sneaky NHLer tricks that may serve you well in the playoff drive.

  2. Samson Says:

    Let me get this straight..

    Polka = NHL figures … and …
    Rumba = International figures

    What about choice???

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